An Open Letter to My Cats

Dear Jezzie, Jasper, Jack, and Harvest (yes, I know two of you aren’t mine, but you’re just as guilty),

The following things do not inspire me to get out of bed and feed you, even if they wake me up (which usually they don’t because you start when my alarm goes off).

  • Crying over and over about how neglected you are
  • Finding a plastic bag in my room and pawing at it
  • Shutting my door
  • Pawing at the now-closed door so that it bangs against the doorway
  • Snarling at each other
  • Fighting with each other, especially on my bed
  • Running across my pillow
  • Going under my bed, lying on your back, and scratching at the underside of my boxsprings
  • Scratching at the carpet
  • Licking my hand
  • Licking any piece of material you find in my room (wallscrolls, bedskirt, gym bag, etc.)
  • Digging at my back

Here are a few things you have done in the past that have inspired me to get up immediately and feed you

  • Giving one sharp meow to remind me to wake up because I am actually late (thanks, Jasper)
  • Purring in my ear
  • Rubbing your cheek against my hand (without opening your mouth)

Let me ask you something seriously.  Have I ever failed to feed you?  Have I ever left it later than eight in the morning, even on sleep-in days?  Even on days where I closed my door and jammed a towel in the crack so you couldn’t bang on it?  No.  I never forget you.  Can you trust me a little?  That last five minutes in between hitting my snooze alarm and the alarm going off again are my favorite part of sleeping, but not when you guys are being demanding.  When I write until midnight, and the alarm goes off at 5 a.m., I don’t have patience to listen to you rattling plastic bags during my sleeping time.  If you haven’t noticed, I don’t get up when you do this.  I hit my snooze alarm again and again until you settle down.  I refuse to encourage this behavior.

So please.  Go take a five-minute cat nap, and I’ll do the same, and I promise I’ll be up to feed you before you have time to starve.

Lots of love,


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