So, for Valentine’s Day, I worked really hard to finish a scene that’s the beginning of the romance between my MCs, but I’m just not satisfied with it. So you’re getting a different scene I wrote this week. If the below doesn’t sound like a cheesy romance novel, I’m not doing my job. Constructive criticism or even more fun romance novel descriptions of Rosie in the comments are appreciated, really 🙂
Here’s what Rosie looks like to me.
We start with her eyes. Her irises are like tiger’s eye in color, varying shades of brown. But under them is a fire that excites me. It shines through the lighter brown, flashing at me when she’s angry or happy. They glow like a lighthouse, welcoming me home.
Her sleek chestnut hair flows down her back from her flowered hair tie like a dark waterfall that fills my soul with desire for her.
Her lips are soft and pink with some sort of sparkly shine. The pink reminds me of cotton candy, and I want to taste them and find out if that’s what they taste like. Hidden behind them, of course, is the jewel in her mouth, today a beautiful sapphire blue.
The cheeks of her heart-shaped face are always as rosy as her name, like a painted doll, but not so fragile, of course. Besides those spots of color, her golden skin reflects the warmth of the sun back to me.
When she talks, she uses her hands a lot, which are soft with elegant fingers. Likewise, I know that inside her combat books there must be dainty, delicate feet. Her petite figure suggests I’m right about this. It makes me wonder how she manages such a confident stride across the room. To be honest, her lithesome body just beguiles my senses with each march across the classroom during PET-BOIS. I love watching her walk.
In all, she has the most perfect figure, face, hands, legs, hair, and eyes I’ve ever seen.
Rosie is perfection.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Lots of love,
Sage
P.S. It’s the last day to enter the Greedy giveaway. So head on down the blog and bring your songs about greed!
Sage, Like the Spice 
I don’t have any crits (I think it accomplishes what you said you wanted!) or additions, but my favorite cheesy line from my first book is when the captain tells his lady passenger that her skin is as soft and white as a seagull’s breast.
ahhh “sleek chestnut hair” .>
… note to self, do not use too many less than signs in comments. it ate my reply! *huff*
well anyway. the sleek chestnut hair is clearly a staple in any cheesy romance 😉 but maybe you should throw in some voluptuous curves (or waves of hair, if she’s not curvy). narrow waists? budding brea – ok I’ll stop…
Haha, she’s not voluptuous, but one of my friends also suggested “budding breasts,” which I loved, but I just couldn’t figure out how to lead into it naturally, lol
I thought this was really sweet and perfect. 😀
I loved this, especially the description of her mouth! All that she needs for ultimate romance-novel descriptiveness are long, long lashes that sweep her cheeks 😛
Ooh, great suggestion, thanks!