The Writer’s Voice: Hero/Villain query + 250

Hey, I’m participating in a contest called THE WRITERS VOICE.  Here’s my blind audition, so the mentors can turn around and yell, “I wanna work with you!”  Or something like that.  Below is my query and first 250 words for Hero/Villain.

Query:

[spoilers]

250 Words:

Rule number eleven in the Superhero’s Handbook?  No long hair.  It’s really a rule about anything long, thin, and easily grabbed.  Hair and capes are the main offenders in the League’s book.  The only thing worse than getting a cape caught in some contraption that’ll kill you is getting pulled in by your hair.  But I think the rule’s dumb.  If some gadget grabs my hair, I’ll just change it.

Besides which, I look way better with long hair.

But perching here on this tree limb, overlooking the cemetery, which, by the way, is deader than dead, I figure out another reason to avoid long hair.  The wind blows my currently blond strands across my face, where they tickle my nose and threaten to make me sneeze, but worse, they block my vision.  I don’t have a free hand to push them from my mask because I need both to hold on to the tree.  Stupid hair.  And, sure, that sound I heard a minute ago was nothing more than a scrawny black cat, but I can’t risk being caught unaware.  The hair has to go.

It takes a second’s thought of shortening my hair to get it out of my face.  Almost instantly I have a cute pixie cut.  Perfect.

A new sound catches my attention.  A murmur on the same wind that was driving me nuts a second ago.  I crouch low on the branch, listening, but I can’t get a better grip on what’s making it.

Hope you enjoyed!

Lots of love,
Sage

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32 thoughts on “The Writer’s Voice: Hero/Villain query + 250

      • Your userid makes me laugh and I just noticed it. My cousin’s son’s name is Sage. His great grandmother could never remember his name, so his other would remind her by saying, “Sage – like the spice.” Eventually the old woman just started calling him by whatever spice first came to her head (she was really old)…Thyme…Parsley…Cumin… LOL! Probably isn’t funny to you since that’s your name, but we got a kick out of it and we adore our Sage. He’s in his mid 20s now. 🙂

      • I always say, “Sage. Like the spice,” so people will get it right. My freshman English teacher used tricks to learn all our names, and so mine was “Parsley, Rosemary, Sage, and Thyme” until he learned it. It still amuses me 🙂

  1. Nice confident prose, and I love the complexity of your concept. Ambitious, but the writing style demonstrates real promise. Good luck!
    Connie

  2. The voice in your query is great! And wow – a villain in your own body — what a killer hook.

    Just a warning on the first 250 — the “no capes” rule is very recognizable from The Incredibles, so it may lead an agent to think “been there, saw that” and put them in an unoriginal mindset. It’s not a deal-breaker, but you don’t want to give agents any reason to toss it aside 🙂

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